Interview with Joy de Vive
Hair Color: Dark brunette to reddish brown (I like changing my hair color and style so it varies on my mood.)
Eye color: Hazel
Best Features: Boobs, butt and brains.
Education: Master’s Degree (BFA in painting and graduate work in film making and photojournalism.) I’m also a CA certified sexological body worker (somatic embodiment massage and sex educator).
Favorite Activities: I’m a cyclist and love exploring neighborhoods and new cities on 2 wheels; I’d rather be on a bike than in a car any day. I love going to farmers markets and making locally grown vegetarian meals as well as exploring new restaurants (we have so many here it’s hard to keep up.) I love snuggling my cats, yoga, hot springs and skinny dipping (there nothing like warm water on bare skin). Going to the independent film festivals, dancing as well as live music fests (Hardly Strictly Bluegrass and SXSW are some of my favorites.) I also love volunteering for causes I passionately believe in and I feel gratitude for what an amazing life I’ve created. I’ve just started my somatic massage business and I’m thrilled to watch my clients blossom around the connection to their own sexual pleasure as well as the transformation in their personal relationships. I think eye contact in underrated (and even avoided) in our culture, so the first thing I like to do when connecting on a date or a session is to spend time closely gazing into each others eyes and stroking each others faces. Intimacy = Into Me You See.
Worst Pick Up Line: I haven’t had any really bad pickup lines, but a few weeks ago a guy in a crowded bar told me I had the most beautiful eyes, serenaded me on one knee and asked if he could buy me a drink. He was a college kid and I wasn’t interested so I politely declined, but I was still flattered. I’m always amazed how guys get used to approaching women and getting rejected, so I give them kudos for just having the courage to try.
Worst Place Hit On: There’s no bad place to be hit on, but one time a guy tried to pick me up at the gym. I don’t feel very sexy being stinky and sweaty in my ratty tee-shirt and worn out sneakers, so it’s hard to get into that social mindset there.
What Approach Do You Prefer: I know guys say they don’t want to be in the “friend zone” as they want to be seen as boyfriend (getting laid tonight) material, but the more pressure being put on me the faster I pull away. It’s like a dance; move forward, I’ll step back. Then step back, I’ll move forward. Showing interest and asking me out with other friends in a group takes the pressure off and we can just have fun without analyzing if we’re going to get married tomorrow or if I’m going to sleep with you immediately. The friendship zone is where my deepest relationships have grown from and the best sex I’ve ever had.
Funny or Worst Date: I have so many funny and/or bad online date stories from my past that my friend and I produced a song about it and it’s hilarious and heartfelt. One time I connected online with a guy after I just moved to the Bay Area. When we spoke on the phone he sounded oddly familiar and was I getting this weird déjà vu sense. On our first date, we both realized we met and dated briefly almost 10 years ago from our grad school years on the east coast. It was funny but awkward.
I love when people aren’t afraid to ask for what they want in bed or in life.
Turn Ons: Communication is #1 for me. Whether it’s good or bad, please tell me what you need to get off your chest as soon as possible and speaking on the phone is the next best thing to being there. I’ve seen communication breakdowns from texting and emails, so a quick phone call can get to heart of what’s happening pretty quickly. I love when people aren’t afraid to ask for what they want in bed or in life. I love getting a request for a date and they tell me some personal things we might connect on, not just the where and when. I don’t like to do the back-and-forth to get your details to verify who you are, so receiving a fully completed screening form with personal links like LinkedIn or a work profile is practically orgasmic for me. It shows you trust me and I feel at ease and more excited about meeting you. I also love intellectual and emotional intelligence, I feel like we can connect deeper level. On physical attributes, I love a man in a good suit (I watch too much Mad Men; everyone dresses fabulous and sexy all the time). Fresh breath and pleasant body odor are a turn-on (sometimes it’s natural or a light scent from deodorant or shampoo.) I really appreciate subtle yummy scents. Old-fashioned acts of chivalry as simple as opening the door in front of me – is always appreciated. Glasses are a secret fetish of mine. I also love getting unexpected gifts, especially if they mean something for you to share with me.
Turn Offs: No communication (I think men enjoy mystery, women prefer communication.) Texting or using one’s phone on a date without excusing yourself is a turn off. Texting in general is not a way I want to communicate unless you’re just telling me you’re running late, I almost always prefer a phone call. When I get emails with questions that are answered are on my site (as well as asking about “services” is an obvious turn-off) well as well lots of typos or “text speak” (“u r a hot want to see u tomorrow.”.) I’ve gotten a few of those and they make me think a junior high school kid is writing to me and I just delete them.
Guilty Pleasures: I love artisan cocktails, salted caramel ice cream, dark chocolate with almonds, upgrading to business class. Sleeping in late when I need to get up as I usually have so much to do. When I’m traveling, I love watching bad reality TV and reading trashy tabloid magazines as I don’t have that in my home, that’s my guilty secret treat.
Interesting Story: I have lots of stories but here’s just one that’s not too racy or name-dropping: I got a request to meet with a man who wanted me to just squish live spiders with my bare feet while he watched. Just picturing it made me shiver and I politely declined. I still love people’s fetishes; no matter how odd they may sounds, even if I can’t fulfill them.
To contact Joy de Vive please visit her ad: